What does one mean by freedom? If we say we need to set our child free and then tell them they need to follow rules, does it seem contradictory? It may seem so but then its not. Montessori says we need to give children freedom within limits. These limits need to be defined clearly and firmly.
Think of a place like Singapore where there are strict rules on the road. When you cross a road, are you stressed? Now think of a place like Mumbai. How stressed are you while walking on the road?
Both the cities are free cities yet you feel calmer and least stressed in Singapore.
Now think of two shops. One where you can bargain and one where you cant. When you go to buy something from both, in which shop will you feel less stress? You might come out happier in either one but then the experience was least stressful in the fixed price shop.
Thats how rules work with children. When we set limits, they know what to expect and they feel secure if the limits cant be broken. They test the limits occasionally because thats how they make sure of whats possible and right. Limits also help children deal with conflict. If two children want an object, the rule of first come first served works and the child is able to wait for her turn.
So how do we set rules and limits?
1. Be clear of what you'd like to give your child and then state the rules for that privilege.
2. State the rule clearly in least possible words.
3. Honor feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They are just there.
4. Never use blame or guilt. If rules are not followed, let the consequences be as planned or natural.
5. Stick to the rules, come what may.
6. Be consistent.
When you first start setting limits, be prepared for maximum resistance and major tantrums. But once the rules are set and followed through, be rest assured, you are going to have a smooth and successful journey ahead.
Think of a place like Singapore where there are strict rules on the road. When you cross a road, are you stressed? Now think of a place like Mumbai. How stressed are you while walking on the road?
Both the cities are free cities yet you feel calmer and least stressed in Singapore.
Now think of two shops. One where you can bargain and one where you cant. When you go to buy something from both, in which shop will you feel less stress? You might come out happier in either one but then the experience was least stressful in the fixed price shop.
Thats how rules work with children. When we set limits, they know what to expect and they feel secure if the limits cant be broken. They test the limits occasionally because thats how they make sure of whats possible and right. Limits also help children deal with conflict. If two children want an object, the rule of first come first served works and the child is able to wait for her turn.
So how do we set rules and limits?
1. Be clear of what you'd like to give your child and then state the rules for that privilege.
2. State the rule clearly in least possible words.
3. Honor feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They are just there.
4. Never use blame or guilt. If rules are not followed, let the consequences be as planned or natural.
5. Stick to the rules, come what may.
6. Be consistent.
When you first start setting limits, be prepared for maximum resistance and major tantrums. But once the rules are set and followed through, be rest assured, you are going to have a smooth and successful journey ahead.
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