Discipline! I'm sure no parent goes through parenthood without ever listening to this term. Yet it is an overused and misunderstood word for children.
Discipline is not something which needs to be taught to children, discipline is what comes to them naturally if allowed to develop in its own course of time with a supportive environment.
Children feel happy and cooperative when they trust that the adult will respond kindly and in time. They feel safe when adults set clear consistent limits, when these limits dont change and when they are given options of what they can do rather than stopping them from doing something.
So what are the circumstances where children feel upset, angry or frustrated?
1. When forced to share - Children are egocentric by nature. Before they reach the age of 5 or 6, they cant see things from another person's point of view, which means that they dont feel empathy and when we force them to share, they feel helpless and angry.
2. When asked not to touch - Every child is curious about the world around them. They feel a strong urge to touch feel and explore objects in their vicinity. If you take your child to the playground and stop her from touching anything saying its dirty, she is bound to be frustrated.
3. When movement is restricted - Children dont like to sit in prams or under seat belts for long periods of time. They, like us want freedom to move. How many of us hate wearing a seat belt and just itch to take it off once the taxi stops. Then imagine how a child might feel when he/she is kept in a pram or a high chair for long periods of time.
4. When expectations aren't met - We all have expectations and its more true for children. Sometimes unknowingly we set a routine for our child and suddenly stop it when we are tired or bored. But the child cannot tune in to our moods and feels betrayal and anger when his expectation is not met.
Now lets discuss what we can do when our child just cant behave herself.
1. When your child get's angry, dont calm her but calm yourself. Stay connected and acknowledge the reason your child is upset. "Oh! you're angry because you wanted the other child's bicycle!"
2. Let the child release all feelings and do not hurry to shush her.
3. Never take misbehaviour personally. Your child needs you to understand her and not judge her.
4. Do not withdraw your love when your child misbehaves. Thats when they need it the most. Love isn't about giving in to what your child asks for at all times. Its about being there even if you cant.
5. Last but not the least, do not use distraction to make your child forget what she feels. Imagine you are upset about an issue and someone uses a distraction to divert you, would you feel good about it?
Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, children do misbehave when we least expect it. At those times, we must trust ourselves more and remain calm and understanding. Having a high level of awareness of what triggers our anger and temper, understanding how it thwarts the emotional well-being of our children will undoubtedly make a big difference. We can't be perfect at all times but thats alright because we will always be trying.
Discipline is not something which needs to be taught to children, discipline is what comes to them naturally if allowed to develop in its own course of time with a supportive environment.
Children feel happy and cooperative when they trust that the adult will respond kindly and in time. They feel safe when adults set clear consistent limits, when these limits dont change and when they are given options of what they can do rather than stopping them from doing something.
So what are the circumstances where children feel upset, angry or frustrated?
1. When forced to share - Children are egocentric by nature. Before they reach the age of 5 or 6, they cant see things from another person's point of view, which means that they dont feel empathy and when we force them to share, they feel helpless and angry.
2. When asked not to touch - Every child is curious about the world around them. They feel a strong urge to touch feel and explore objects in their vicinity. If you take your child to the playground and stop her from touching anything saying its dirty, she is bound to be frustrated.
3. When movement is restricted - Children dont like to sit in prams or under seat belts for long periods of time. They, like us want freedom to move. How many of us hate wearing a seat belt and just itch to take it off once the taxi stops. Then imagine how a child might feel when he/she is kept in a pram or a high chair for long periods of time.
4. When expectations aren't met - We all have expectations and its more true for children. Sometimes unknowingly we set a routine for our child and suddenly stop it when we are tired or bored. But the child cannot tune in to our moods and feels betrayal and anger when his expectation is not met.
Now lets discuss what we can do when our child just cant behave herself.
1. When your child get's angry, dont calm her but calm yourself. Stay connected and acknowledge the reason your child is upset. "Oh! you're angry because you wanted the other child's bicycle!"
2. Let the child release all feelings and do not hurry to shush her.
3. Never take misbehaviour personally. Your child needs you to understand her and not judge her.
4. Do not withdraw your love when your child misbehaves. Thats when they need it the most. Love isn't about giving in to what your child asks for at all times. Its about being there even if you cant.
5. Last but not the least, do not use distraction to make your child forget what she feels. Imagine you are upset about an issue and someone uses a distraction to divert you, would you feel good about it?
Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, children do misbehave when we least expect it. At those times, we must trust ourselves more and remain calm and understanding. Having a high level of awareness of what triggers our anger and temper, understanding how it thwarts the emotional well-being of our children will undoubtedly make a big difference. We can't be perfect at all times but thats alright because we will always be trying.
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